Title: Fire Down Below
Series: Gynazule #1
Author: Debra Anastasia
Release Date: February 28, 2015
Dove Glitch is embarrassed about everything above her knees and below her belly button. When she has to fill a delicate, embarrassing prescription the last thing she needs is a sexy-as-hell (and brand spanking new) pharmacist behind the counter.
Johnson Fitzwell’s first day of his dream career also happens to coincide with the exact moment Dove needs her feminine meds filled. His glorious voice is way too loud–as in, he should be counting down the hits with Ryan Seacrest kind of loud. Thanks to Johnson’s handsome face and gorgeous jaw line, Dove dives headlong into her waking nightmare and asks for a vagina-scented cream.
How could she not fall for him? Dove's only active goal now is to get Johnson to kiss her right on the lips. Either set. However, his horrible girlfriend is one of many obstacles preventing her from making that fantasy a reality. When Dove defends Johnson in the most unhygienic, unconventionally gross way in the middle of a crowded restaurant, their tender, slightly tantric relationship is off to a galloping, farting start.
Each print copy of this book will be dipped in holy water by my mom, and glared at by my father as he purses his lips. Neither will help. So, drop your pants and turn to the left and cough. I hope you're not allergic to latex, because it’s time to fill your prescription. Anally.
So, have you ever had a friend tell you, “don’t look now, but…?” Or have you ever driven past a horrible car wreck on the highway and you can’t help but look? Have you ever seen someone get severely injured and not been able to help them because you sat there in stunned disbelief? All of that is this book. And then some.
I will warn you now not to read this book but if you are anything like me you will not heed this warning, and you will do what you want anyways.
If you do decide to disregard my warning, I suggest you not read this in public for fear you may be placed in a mental intuition for uncontrolled laughing, and possibly unwanted bodily noises escaping from laughing so hard.
Yes, this book appealed to the 7 year old boy who lives within my head and loved all things farts and violence from pu--ies. I laughed so hard at times I feared my family would make that fated call to the local head doctor and have me committed.
I can’t warn you enough not to read this book. Here are a few highlights that I hope you scare you enough into staying away…
“I don’t put weird things down… there. Just make sure that cream’s vagina-scented. Just Plain. For vaginas.”
“Are you some kind of pedo-feline perv?”
I look like a tiny, drunk leprechaun scalped parts of my cooter. There is no hair on the towel… Where’s is going? Did it melt? Am I melting my pu--y hair? GOOD GOD!
So, if I have not scared you off from reading this book by now, I suggest you get yourself on Amazon, or whatever site you use to buy crap books, and buy this one now!
I will warn you now not to read this book but if you are anything like me you will not heed this warning, and you will do what you want anyways.
If you do decide to disregard my warning, I suggest you not read this in public for fear you may be placed in a mental intuition for uncontrolled laughing, and possibly unwanted bodily noises escaping from laughing so hard.
Yes, this book appealed to the 7 year old boy who lives within my head and loved all things farts and violence from pu--ies. I laughed so hard at times I feared my family would make that fated call to the local head doctor and have me committed.
I can’t warn you enough not to read this book. Here are a few highlights that I hope you scare you enough into staying away…
“I don’t put weird things down… there. Just make sure that cream’s vagina-scented. Just Plain. For vaginas.”
“Are you some kind of pedo-feline perv?”
I look like a tiny, drunk leprechaun scalped parts of my cooter. There is no hair on the towel… Where’s is going? Did it melt? Am I melting my pu--y hair? GOOD GOD!
So, if I have not scared you off from reading this book by now, I suggest you get yourself on Amazon, or whatever site you use to buy crap books, and buy this one now!
~ Review by Devlynn
When I read the blurb for Fire Down Below, I thought it was really humorous and weird, so I was like: "Yes, please!" I totally wanted to read it and I just couldn't wait to get my hands on it! It looked like it was going to be hilarious, hopefully hot, and crazy which are things I love. It came as no surprise to me when I loved this book from the first page and it's the funniest book I've ever read!
Now I'll admit to you that it's not hard to make me laugh--like at all. I'm serious, I can pretty much find something to laugh, chuckle, or snort at in just about any book I read. You might be asking what makes me be able to then say that it's funny--the funniest book I've read--and I'll tell you because while you could make me laugh with just a silly facial expression, the real challenge is to make me laugh so hard that I cry. I very rarely cry from laughing, but Ms. Anastasia made me laugh so hard that it hurt and I cried a little. I told my friend and I'll tell you: This book is FREAKING HILARIOUS!!!!
Ms. Anastasia pulled a fast one me though. I thought Fire Down Below was just going to be a light, if somewhat weird, but not too complicated book. However, that just isn't the case because it turned out to be way more complicated than I originally thought and it left me feeling conflicted. I don't want to spoil anything, so I won't tell you what it was. I will say that I thought there wouldn't be any really beautiful moments or series moments or ones that left me utterly heartsick, but there were. There is definitely something under the surface and while you very much need to have a sense of humor to read this because of everything that's in it, just know that you're getting more than a simple goofy story.
Fire Down Below ends in a cliffhanger so there's no HEA yet. It's told from Dove's POV, but it also told from her friend Duke's as well and can I just say that I absolutely LOVED him?! I mean seriously, Duke just completely stole me heart despite how crazy he is! Oh, who am I kidding? He stole my because of his craziness and I can't wait to see more of him and all these wacky characters in the next book!!!
~ Review by Paige
Oh God. We’re talking about me being naked, in the shower with cooter cream. Please world, end. Kill me.
“I know it’s not soap. I just… if it’s scented… I can’t do scented. Flowers and stuff like that. Fruit-flavored soaps make… things… burnish.” She could tell from the peeks at his face Mr. Fitzwell had never stepped foot in bath and lotion store, wanting to try the array of fun fragrances. Nor had he purchased Peppermint Candy shower gel, foamed up his nether regions, and felt like he had dipped them in lava. Dove crossed and uncrossed her legs at the memory.
Mr. Fitzwell seemed concerned. “Okay, just a heads-up. It’s definitely not good to put any fruits or plant life near your genitals.” He made a V with his hands and formed his own pretend vagina in front of his pants.
Dove covered her eyes and tried to defend herself because now she could hear the sickly older woman beating her supporters with a purse.
Dove’s mumbling got louder with her embarrassment. “I don’t put weird things down… there. Just make sure that the cream’s vagina-scented. Just plain. For vaginas.” She kept her eyes on the counter.
There are a lot of eyes in Debra Anastasia’s house in Maryland. First, her own creepy peepers are there, staring at her computer screen. She’s made two more sets of eyes with her body, and the kids they belong to are amazing. The poor husband is still looking at her after 17 years of marriage. At least he likes to laugh. Then the freaking dogs are looking at her—six eyeballs altogether, though the old dog is blind. And the cat watches her too, mostly while knocking stuff off the counter and doing that internal kitty laugh when Deb can’t catch the items fast enough.
Debra has a smattering of books in a few genres. There are two in the Seraphim Series and three in the Poughkeepsie Brotherhood Series with a prequel, Poughkeepsie Begins in the near future. Fire Down Below is the first in the comedic Gynzaule Series. The second, Fire in the Hole, will be published in late 2015. The Revenger, a dark paranormal romance will debut this summer. And last, a novella called Late Night with Andres is special because 100% of the proceeds go to breast cancer research. (So go get it right now, please!)
Thank you so, so much!!
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